Lately, three issues occurred that jogged my memory: ageing is inevitable and it occurs to all of us (if we’re fortunate.) First, I learn an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow about turning 50 (“Getting older is a journey to figuring out your precise self.”) Then, I went to my buddy Kelti’s disco-themed fortieth birthday celebration. As we placed on faux lashes in her resort room earlier than the get together, I heard myself saying, “You realize? Age is actually only a frame of mind,” (very true, since Kelti is a kind of freaks of nature who might nonetheless move for 28). The subsequent day, I listened to a podcast with poet Rupi Kaur during which she mourned being nearly 30. I wished to present her a hug, and reassure her that your thirties are THE BEST.
Three gifted, lovely ladies navigating three very totally different life phases however so lots of the identical feelings. There’s a letting go of 1 chapter and a few stage of apprehension about what comes subsequent.
Getting older, particularly for girls, is a rollercoaster of feelings. For me at 39, it appears like the subject is all over the place, although possibly I’m at an age after I’m simply noticing it extra.
As a lot as all of us love a brand new anti-aging product or longevity hack, that’s not what in the present day’s article is about. Although I’m all for slightly dermatological assist if it makes you are feeling good, I additionally assume that beauty enhancements could make issues more durable in the event that they’re carried out in a state of resistance. If our sense of our personal magnificence isn’t rooted in one thing deeper, an internal figuring out of who we’re, it’ll by no means be sufficient. Feeling and looking youthful is extra about our mindset. You realize when Gwyneth really seems her youngest? Not when she’s painted gold and posing in essentially the most flattering gentle—it’s when she’s laughing.
As I enter the final yr of my thirties, listed below are just a few mindset shifts about magnificence and ageing I’m embracing:
Aging well is all in how we see ourselves.
I’ve heard women of a certain age say that they feel invisible. Paulina Porizkov (who I really like for her trustworthy conversations about magnificence and ageing) has mentioned that after 40, ladies all however disappear in our society. I’m not right here to disclaim another person’s expertise, however I am selecting to reject that narrative for myself. The tales we inform ourselves are highly effective. They infiltrate the best way we supply ourselves by means of the world. I’m selecting one that claims I’m not invisible, irrelevant, or previous my prime. It actually doesn’t matter who sees me or doesn’t see me, it’s about how I select to see myself. And radiating confidence is irresistible at any age.
Magnificence is an angle.
Aging well is having female friends to navigate life with.
To me, my friends are the most stunning women because they radiate a beauty that’s about who they are as people. Plus, there’s this lucky phenomenon where I always see them as the same age they were when we met. Find yourself a friend who sees you as forever 28, even as you’re evolving and growing right alongside each other. Sometimes I think about sitting around, drinking coffee with my girlfriends when we’re all 80. Suddenly, growing old doesn’t feel so scary after all.
Aging well is being cool at every age, instead of frozen in time.
I often hear older women described as “elegant” or “chic,” but the type of woman I want to grow into is cool. Julia Roberts. Padma Lakshmi. Julianne Moore. Alicia Keys. Norma Kamali. It’s almost beside the point to mention these women’s ages—they’re so engaged with life, pouring themselves into their art, their music, embracing a sense of adventure, and finding deeper meaning with each passing year.
When I start stressing about getting older, or thinking that I need to “fix” something about myself, I channel these (unknowing) mentors of mine who are eternally confident, beautiful, and sexy.
Aging well is getting to know myself.
Learning to embrace my “flaws” as part of my unique beauty. Laughing more. Drawing kind but firm boundaries. Not being easily offended. Making time for things that light me up. Being curious and open-minded. It’s hearing a song that I love come on the radio, turning it up and singing along at the top of my lungs just like I did when I was 16 and will still do when I’m 70. Aging well is being fully present for each season of life—the hard ones, too.
Aging well is not caring so much.
My biggest attitudinal shift toward aging is to NOT THINK ABOUT IT that much (I know, you wouldn’t believe it from this article, lol.) I’m a work in progress, but let’s be honest: we have better things to be doing with our time. There’s a sigh of relief that comes when we let go of the endless quest for perfection and instead choose to focus our attention outside of ourselves. I think back to that contracted feeling I used to get when I’d look at Instagram and start comparing, and it makes me proud to realize how much I’ve released that negativity from my life and replaced it with thoughts that are more productive.
As my friend Kate mentioned in her e-newsletter just lately:
Reacquaint your self with the figuring out // that this shift in what has been and what might be // is an awakening // a second of progress // occurring for you, to not you
In addition to! At the moment is the youngest you’re ever going to be.
Take pleasure in it.
